Final Moments

These last days together fill me with dread. I know. I say it as if we'll never be together again, but that's exactly what it feels like. Gwyneth will soon be starting daycare. I start work February 28th. I always expected the end of this time to be difficult, but I didn't think that the tears would start before that dreaded first day drop off at daycare. It doesn't seem fair. It makes me want to live in a European country that respects the mother and child's need to be together for practically boundless days. I work in a country where paid maternity leave is an unknown concept to most employers, forcing many moms to return to work before they're ready. I'm now facing that certain doom - that doom of being in an office for 40 hrs each week when all I long to do is be with my baby loving and teaching her and taking care of her in a way that no one else can. At least least I have a good job, which although I am extremely grateful, is little consolation.

Another difficult matter is that we still haven't determined where Gwyneth will go to daycare. We're looking at places near to my work so that I can spend my lunch hour with her which is hugely important to me. Today we're interviewing a person who does daycare that is a few blocks from where I work - in the summer, we could even go for walks together on my lunch break. If such an arrangement could be made, it would soften the blow. Regardless though, I'm in for losing sleep over it.

This weekend my plan is to eek out as much fun as we can together as a family, so that when Wednesday comes I can have good memories to carry me through the workday and until the next weekend when we can make more.

I guess this post is done - Gwyneth is crying. I'm going to go enjoy it...as well as the dirty diapers and the getting up in the middle of the night and... Every moment now is to be treasured, but still, this is how we feel about the whole thing:


I'll post new pictures soon...